An Obituary Is More Than an Announcement
At its core, an obituary is a brief biography — but it is also an act of love. It captures, in a few hundred words, the essence of a life: who this person was, who they loved, what they valued, and why the world is different for having known them.
If you have been asked to write one, the task may feel daunting. This guide will walk you through the process gently, step by step.
Gather the Essential Information First
Before you write a single sentence, collect the factual details you'll need. Having these on hand prevents interruptions and helps ensure accuracy.
- Full legal name, including maiden name if applicable
- Date and place of birth
- Date, place, and (if sharing publicly) cause of death
- Names of immediate family members — survivors and those who predeceased them
- Career, profession, or life's work
- Military service, if any
- Notable memberships, affiliations, or community involvement
- Funeral or memorial service details
Structure of a Traditional Obituary
Most obituaries follow a loose structure. You can adapt this freely to suit the person's personality and your family's preferences.
- Opening sentence: Announce the passing with dignity. Include the person's name, age, and date of passing.
- Brief biography: Where they were born, where they grew up, where they lived. Key milestones — education, career, marriage, children.
- Who they were as a person: This is the heart of a good obituary. What did they love? What made them laugh? What will people miss most?
- Survivors and predeceased: List family members. Conventions vary — follow what feels right for your family.
- Service information: Date, time, location of any memorial or funeral service, and any requests (donations, flowers, etc.).
Moving Beyond the Basics
The most memorable obituaries go beyond biography and touch on character. Consider including:
- A short, meaningful quote the person often said
- A specific memory or moment that captures who they were
- The small, particular things that made them them — their garden, their laugh, their Saturday morning routine
- The values they passed down
You don't need to include everything. Choose the details that feel most true.
Practical Considerations
| Factor | Guidance |
|---|---|
| Length | Newspaper obituaries are often 150–300 words due to space/cost. Online obituaries can be longer. |
| Tone | Match the person's personality — formal, warm, even gently humorous if appropriate. |
| Proofread | Have at least two family members review it before publication to catch errors and omissions. |
| Deadlines | Contact the publication or funeral home early — newspaper deadlines can be tight. |
Give Yourself Grace
You may not find the perfect words. That's all right. The fact that you are trying — sitting with memory and love in the middle of grief — is itself a meaningful act. Write from the heart, and the words will be enough.